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News Articles
LoHud.com
Yonkers achievement scientist publishes self-help book
Sun-Sentinel.com - Fort Lauderdale,FL,USA
Here's how to deal with the problem boss
Instead, resist that urge, and think about better ways to communicate
and accomplish your goals, says Robert Flower, author of
Decoding Potential: Pathways to ...
San Diego Union Tribune - United States
Workers hold key to creating better workplace
Workplace consultant and coach Robert Flower has blunt advice for
employees who want to be more productive. ...
Atlanta Journal Constitution
Got a bad boss? Look inside, change yourself
Relationship may reflect on employee, author says....americanventuremagazine
American Venture Magazine
Development as a
workplace objective
The Austin American-Statesman.
Defuse Conflicts And Turn Them To Your Advantage
BY MOREY STETTNER
INVESTOR'S BUSINESS DAILY
Posted 10/13/2006
When conflict erupts at work, your next move can either restore peace or spread
ill will. If you cast blame or expose others' faulty thinking, you may feel
better. But the discord will intensify. A better approach is to look within,
says Robert Flower, author of "Decoding Potential." By exploring your desire for
engaging in conflict, you can modify your behavior before tension mounts.
"A common mistake is to try to make the other person change," said Flower, an
achievement coach in Bronxville, N.Y. "But because we also bear some
responsibility in a conflict, we need to understand our role and what's driving
us."
Flower suggests that you excuse yourself early in a conflict and regroup in
private. Use the time to examine the core emotions that you're feeling. Ask
yourself five questions:
• Am I fearful of something? You may realize that you're scared of saying what
needs to be said. Or you may dread facing up to your weaknesses or acknowledging
another person's troubling actions. Fear can muddle your ability to think
clearly and understand opposing views.
• Is my ego in the way? Excess pride can feed a conflict and block your
willingness to see your mistakes. If you feel that your authority or credibility
is at stake, you may refuse to process new information. An inflated ego can stop
you from listening with an open mind and considering multiple views, Flower
says.
• Do I have all the information I need? Many conflicts spiral out of control
because individuals pretend to know more than they do. They may make
pronouncements without proof, or argue their point despite their lack of command
of the facts. Recognize what you do not know, and others will respond in kind.
This will help you identify what data you both need to reach a resolution.
• Am I being honest? Self-deception plays a surprisingly strong role in
prolonging conflict, Flower says. You might bicker over a petty matter that
masks the real issue.
• Am I picking a fight? Many conflicts thrive when one person's stubbornness
stokes the ire of others.
"We sometimes polarize a situation by instinctively saying no when someone says
yes," Flower said. "That urge to fight can be exacerbated when we don't like the
other person."
Withdrawing briefly from a conflict to ask yourself these five questions can
help you develop a plan to regain civility. When you return to confront your
adversary, use your newfound awareness to engage in a more reasonable dialogue.
If you've deceived yourself as a subordinate, you can say, "We've been talking
about my absences over the last few weeks. There's a deeper issue that I think
is at the bottom of this that I'd like to raise with you."
Related Resources:
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